HOW MANY TRIES DID MUNCHER SCORE?
We all knew something dodgy would happen when we got to Middleton Park. The ground conditions, of course, were to be expected; unkempt and as boggy and congealed as three day old porridge. The trip through miles of back alleyways to get to an old shed to change in didn't bode well for our personal safety, as Bravo found out later when violence was threatened against his person by the 'owner' of the dog that mauled his face earlier. And I thought my side of town was the dodgy side.
The game itself was played in reasonably good spirits, probably because everyone, including the sideline, needed to concentrate all their energy on staying upright in the mud and not getting sucked down into the mire never to be seen again. Personally, it wasn't the worst ground conditions I've seen, but for a final, something a bit firmer could have been found.
Marist's rather strange looking backline, or should I say ring in backline, made it difficult to read as in previous games, but we did our best.
Our best was also required in the forwards, especially in the lineouts. But, sometimes we slipped and made it even harder on ourselves. Not that it
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was all doom and gloom, far from it. We gave fierce opposition when needed and fierce attack when opportunites exposed themselves. The fact that we were only one try away from victory for most of the match showed how close both teams were, which is what it should be in a final.
It was a shame a couple of players integral to the team getting to the final weren't able to be there, and also a shame that also a couple of players who've given a lot during the season didn't manage to get on the field and equally shameful that one of our most longstanding and consistant players was brutally savaged by a Marist supporters dog.
Special mentions must of course be made, but first a big thank you to every Keith who turned up, particularly those who turned up at the beginning of the season when our numbers were very very low and stayed turning up. Without you there wouldn't have been a season at all. And our Guest Players who filled the ranks when needed, former Keith players and Colts and Division Three guys who still had the energy to play a second 80 minutes. Thanks.
As I said, special mentions and thanks go to Trout and Lars for their coaching and team selections. A difficult job and one often under valued by those who've never done it. To Phil, as manager. Thanks for the 'extras' you were able to provide us to go along with the usual managerial things that you did. A big effort considering your other responibilities as Club Captain.
New Boys. Where would we be without them. We'd have gone the same way as the Saxons and the Craniums many years ago. Colin, Tom,
George, Bertie, Jon, Nick, Richard, Kelly, Adam & Jaye well done and congratulations for fitting in so well and so easily.
Thanks to Toad and Phil for turning up to every game with boots on and gear ready. Thanks to Hayden for stepping up and leading by example. Boner, Maria and the kids turned up most weekends as did Doug, but Yvonne was the star supporter, again, as usual, perpetually. Cheers Mum. You're a star.
So the season is over after 20 games, but it doesn't end there. There's the Annual Keith Sportsman of the Year Awards and Dinner to come, Club Prizegiving and hopefully, Kokatahi. We'll see you then.
As you heard tonight from Trouty, he's decided that Kokatahi shall be 'postponed' until some future time.
So, if you were sucking up to the missus so she'd let you go, you can go back to being your usual bastard self.
I'm assuming dates will be announced as they are decided.
We're at the shithole (literally) of Middleton Park against the Old Enemy, Marist-Albion.
Training at Boys' High on Thursday.
Don't be late on Saturday.
That is all.
The discussion on that article evolved so far that the natural next step was a team full of dinosaurs, what we have here is potentially the species most suited to the beautiful sport of rugby.
Triceratops: cornerstone of the front row
1. Triceratops
Nigh on impossible to pack down against. Any opponent prop would also have to have massive spikes on the head to even entertain a scrummage. Part of an unbeatable front row.
2. Pachycephalosaurus
With a skull 10 inches thick there’d be no chance of a concussion although a slightly over-exuberant pre-match huddle might cause a few team mates to get knocked out. Would enjoy the “engage” phase of the scrum especially. A favourite of Bakkies Botha apparently.
3. Stegosaurus
As with the tight-head, this loosie would be uncomfortable to scrum against due to the upright plates situated on the head and shoulders. Another similarity with the human front row union might be a walnut-sized brain?
4. Brachiosaurus
There are too many options for the second row amongst a species renowned for its height. In the land of the big boys, this one was the biggest growing up to 40 feet tall to reach those looped lineout throws and steal anything the opposition might come up with.
5.
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Diplodocus – One of the lighter sauropods, Dips would be an excellent 4 jumper whose whipping tail could be used to destabilise opposition lifters. A bit of a soft underbelly though given that this dinosaur’s ribs are attached to the skin rather than the backbone.
6. Dino from the Flintstones
Yes, fictional dinosaurs are allowed. Dino needs to be kept on a tight leash as he’s prone to go wayward but he’ll break doors down for you all match.
7. Velociraptor
With a name meaning “speedy thief” there’s no-one else who could fill the 7 berth. Enjoys hunting as part of a pack but might fall foul of modern “rucking” laws. Would certainly leave his mark on opposition bodies.
8. Tyrannosaurus Rex
The “tyrant lizard king” was the most ferocious carnivore of the lot. He would literally rip the opposition to shreds…and probably wouldn’t be the most popular in his own dressing room.
9. Dilophosaurus (a.k.a. the vicious little venom-spitting one from Jurassic Park)
There is no evidence to suggest that any dinosaurs ever spat venom but let’s pretend that Jurassic Park is factual. This little demon would be a constant nuisance to opposition back-row and could blind the ref if necessary.
10. Troodon
A lesser-known dinosaur but the smartest of the lot with the largest brain to weight ratio, possessing intelligence higher than most animals of its time. Ideally suited to the fly-half role having large eyes and a keen sense of hearing.
11. Dromiceiomimus
Regarded as the fastest land dinosaur, this bird-like being had a brain thought to be specifically geared towards kinesthetic co-ordination, or running!
12. Ankylosaurus
This tank of a dinosaur would be an ideal 12 in the Ma’a Nonu mould. With a massive club on the tail, the opposition midfield could be taken out in one blow.
13. Earl Sinclair from the “Dinosaurs”
Weight issues might dictate a sub’s place for the front row but he’s too similar in looks to Mike Tindall to be put anywhere else.
14. Pterodactyl
Technically not a dinosaur but recent eligibility law changes allow us to pick this flyer on the wing. Habana might be able to outrun a cheetah but would be picked off easily by our speedster.
15. Denver the last dinosaur – The only choice for the last line of defense, Denver would be there if all his team mates were to mysteriously disappear. Plus he’s my friend and a whole lot more.
Referee: Doyouthinkhesawus – Yes, joke dinosaurs are allowed. This one-eyed dinosaur was last seen refereeing Richie McCaw against the Boks.
Team Manager: Richard Attenborough as John Hammond in Jurassic Park – The only man able to control this hoard of unruly beasts, albeit for only a short amount of time.
Director of Rugby: Steven Spielberg.
http://www.therugbyblog.co.uk/fantasy-rugby-dinosaur-xv
1. Rhino
Narrowly missed out originally, but widely tipped as the ideal front row option. Obvious strengths in the scrum, but with a surprising turn of speed when required. The rhino’s rarity will also prevent opposition analysts from performing much research, but rugby is a team game and so this animal must learn to mix with the others.
2. Silverback Gorilla
Retains the number 2 shirt, and should benefit further from the Rhino’s immovability at tighthead. Long arms will bind that front row together and sheer strength will ensure that it never takes a step backwards.
3. Bull
The bull edges in front of the Grizzly Bear in the latest selection, after new evidence came to light in Pamplona, where our scouts were able to testify as to the speed of this animal. Undoubted strength and a real asset in the tight and the loose.
4. Buffalo
Seeing the giraffe in action was what prompted the revision of this team. On paper the ideal candidate, but in reality, awkward, gangly and timid and takes 10 minutes just to stand up – not what you need at half time. The Buffalo on the other hand is surprisingly large and will bring more bulk and power to the second
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row.
5. Elephant
Retains the number 5 shirt, but there are one or two areas of its game to develop. A more aggressive edge would help, and needs to work on speed off the mark.
6. Polar Bear (c)
The most aggressive bear remains our trusted captain. There is no evidence of a decline in the ‘lead-by-example’ style of captaincy, and there is yet to be an opponent that has faced the polar bear and come out on top.
7. Shark
On the suggestion of various scouts, the shark has pipped the Hyena in the latest side. Fast and dangerous and will be a constant threat to anyone nearby, whilst the Hyena offers a great bench option to make an impact against tired opposition.
8. Lion
The talismanic Number 8 remains as part of the spine of this team, and has been working on back row moves where he switches places with the Polar Bear in some attacking situations to put the fear of God into the opposition scrum-half.
9. Tazmanian Devil
Despite the rabbit and various apes snapping at the Devil’s heels, our Tazmanian friend retains the number 9 slot. Pace, quality of distribution and that arrogant edge will keep the opponents honest.
10. Chimpanzee
A crucial position and a tricky role to fill, but we’ve kept faith with the Chimp. Other options included the dolphin (poor hands) and the sheepdog (takes orders rather than gives them), but the Chimp has the intelligence and the skills to boss the game.
11. Cheetah
You can’t drop the fastest animal, but needs to work on sprint endurance – 60 seconds of sprinting requires a few hours’ rest, and that simply doesn’t cut it at this level.
12. Dolphin
Despite question marks over the dolphin’s passing ability, we’re looking for a ball-carrying 12 and with so much Jonny Wilkinson-esque practice in that department, the dolphin stays and with some work on the offload, it could fix a couple of defenders and put the Tiger in space.
13. Tiger
Another of the trusted backline to maintain its position, and for good reason. Fast and deadly, and with the intelligence to avoid contact where necessary.
14. Greyhound
The greyhound usurps the gazelle on the wing, which seems to be too skittish and timid to be a real force on the wing. The greyhound has sheer pace and a will to win that ought to stand it in good stead.
15. Racehorse
The Kangaroo was tipped for full-back and would provide another kicking option, but the racehorse is maintained for its speed, strength and more elusive running lines.
There remains some room for improvement, and work must continue on encouraging teamwork and cooperation, drumming the selfish behaviour out of players such as the Tazmanian Devil and the Rhino.
http://www.therugbyblog.co.uk/animal-xv-revisited-the-2010-selection
